|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Feet cold and wet
|
|
FAULT
|
Glass being held at incorrect angle
|
|
ACTION
|
Rotate glass so the open end points toward ceiling
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Feet warm and wet
|
|
FAULT
|
Improper bladder control
|
|
ACTION
|
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Beer unusually pale and tasteless
|
|
FAULT
|
Glass empty
|
|
ACTION
|
Get someone to buy you another beer
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Opposite wall covered in flourescent lights
|
|
FAULT
|
You have fallen over backward
|
|
ACTION
|
Have yourself leased to the bar
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Mouth contains cigarette butts
|
|
FAULT
|
You have fallen over forward
|
|
ACTION
|
See above
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
|
|
FAULT
|
Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face
|
|
ACTION
|
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Floor blurred
|
|
FAULT
|
You are looking through bottom of empty glass
|
|
ACTION
|
Get someone to buy you another beer
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Floor moving
|
|
FAULT
|
You are being carried out
|
|
ACTION
|
Find out if you are being taken to another bar
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Room seems unusually dark
|
|
FAULT
|
Bar has closed
|
|
ACTION
|
Confirm home address with bartender
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures
|
|
FAULT
|
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
|
|
ACTION
|
Cover mouth
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Everyone looks up to you and smiles
|
|
FAULT
|
You are dancing on the table
|
|
ACTION
|
Fall on somebody cushy looking
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Beer is crystal clear
|
|
FAULT
|
It's water. Someone is trying to sober you up.
|
|
ACTION
|
Punch him
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
|
|
FAULT
|
You have been in a fight
|
|
ACTION
|
Apologize to everyone you see, in case it was them
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in
|
|
FAULT
|
You've wandered into the wrong party
|
|
ACTION
|
See if they have free beer
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Your singing sounds distorted
|
|
FAULT
|
The beer is too weak
|
|
ACTION
|
Have more beer until your voice improves
|
|
|
|
|
SYMPTOM
|
Don't remember the words to the song
|
|
FAULT
|
Beer is just right
|
|
ACTION
|
Play air guitar
|
|
|
|
